Via isole.ecn.org
"Unlike the animal that, in principle, is independent soon after birth, the human puppy needs a long, long time, for help. [...] Each child depends on others to satisfy their needs because they can not fend for himself. can cry and cry, it's true, ask for help, but then we must see whether those around him give heed to his prayers. [... ] The only chance that the baby is to help himself when you do not hear his plea is the removal of suffering, which, in turn, leads to a mutilation of his soul, because the removal of power causes a disturbance di sentire, percepire, ricordare. Se queste innate facoltà non hanno modo di svilupparsi, arriverà il giorno in cui l'individuo - per esempio - non saprà più cosa significa essere senza protezione, e non sarà nella condizione di poter dare a suo figlio la protezione di cui questi avrà, a sua volta, urgente bisogno. Genitori che non abbiano mai avuto amore, che nel venire al mondo non abbiano trovato altro ad accoglierli che freddezza, insensibilità, indifferenza e cecità, e che siano vissuti in quest'atmosfera nel corso dell'infanzia e della giovinezza non possono donare amore: e come potrebbero, del resto, visto che non sanno che cosa è e che cosa può significare l'amore? Eppure i loro figli sopravviveranno. And in turn, just like their parents do not remember all the traumas that have been exposed in the past, so that these traumas, both its needs were removed from them, that is completely banned from the level of consciousness. If a human being is born into a world cold and indifferent, he considers it as the only possible world. All you then believe, support, deems appropriate, will be based on these early formative experiences. Today you can also show that this price is too high not only for the individual, but also implies a serious threat to the community. "
With these and other words, simple and understandable, our author introduces "L'infanzia rimossa" (titolo originale "Das verbannte Wissen"), uscito in Svizzera e in Germania alla fine degli anni ottanta e tradotto da noi qualche anno più tardi.
Ma di chi stiamo parlando?
Di Alice Miller, una psicologa che vive e lavora a Zurigo. Oggi dovrebbe essere un'energica signora non più tanto giovane. Non la conosciamo ancora di persona ma apprezziamo molto i suoi libri, il suo lavoro, il suo stile asciutto. Condividiamo le sue battaglie contro gli abusi all'infanzia, la pedagogia nera, i limiti e il conservatorismo della psicoanalisi freudiana più ortodossa, per superare la paura e l'incapacità degli adulti di mettersi dalla parte dei bambini e dei più giovani. Le sue tesi ci hanno believe so much that it becomes a reference point for many of us who have practiced and still practice basic work with children, adolescents and youth in working-class neighborhoods on the outskirts of Milan. Alice Miller has given us food for thought, analysis tools and a variety of illustrative material in support of one of our beliefs: that there is, along with other oppressions, generational oppression. Oppression which is inflicted on children, adolescents and is expressed in general in the domain of adults on young people through a variety of means, behaviors and institutions. Separate from the oppression of class, for example, or that ethnic, or that exercised over women, but for which they are sum, with disastrous consequences.
on what makes us think so, this scholar of the Child? He wrote many essays on the reality child education about the consequences of violent or repressive anaffective on the formation of personality. The possibilities and limitations of psychotherapy. For those who have interest and curiosity to investigate and check on their own behalf, remember, among others: "The child unheeded: reality and child psychoanalytic dogma", "The Drama of the Gifted Child," "The persecution of the child: the roots of violence "" Trust Betrayed "," The children removed, "" The key provisions ".
One of the basic thesis of these essays is as follows. Each child usually has, and so ready and sensitive, has the ability to capture the unconscious needs and expectations of parents and adapt. The more pressing and unaware of such requests more than the adults and children, for the vital need to feel loved and accepted, this will tend to adapt, silencing his spontaneous feelings (anger, jealousy, indignation, 's envy, fear) that are unacceptable to adults. This is the "drama" in so doing, the child is unable to integrate into her personality the most vital part of his true self. This brings emotional insecurity and a kind of mental depletion, which then lead depression, or hidden behind a facade of grandiosity, or are intended to produce violent and oppressive behavior against other weaker.
During the first years of life, therefore, the child suffers the most severe and painful injuries. But, since his only resource for pain is the immediate removal, little miss suffered physical and psychological injury that is inflicted by those who should instead provide for his needs. No child can tolerate it and even consider the idea of \u200b\u200bnot being the center of selfless love of their parents.
is the importance and the extreme danger of the removal mechanism, the consequences of which the author returns Very often, in "The Drama", in "Childhood removed" and other essays. The conservation of this removal, which was necessary for the child to ensure their survival, says Miller, has devastating consequences in adults.
"[...] Many believe that you have to resign because they know no alternatives. They do not know that it is possible to dissolve the removal of children and learn to bear the truth during a gradual process [...] This that applies to the individual, also applies to the evolution of collective consciousness. "
via ilfarodelavita.com
is a good kid,
for this will be unhappy.
A leggere il bel libro di Alice Miller (psicoterapeuta, nonché psicoanalista alquanto eterodossa), fin dalle prime pagine appare evidente come il dramma del bambino dotato non sia problema di appartenenza esclusiva ai bambini dotati, bensì interessi un po’ tutti quanti gli ex fanciulli troppo desiderosi di soddisfare le aspettative genitoriali; ma tant’è: il titolo è suggestivo, sia nella puntuale traduzione italiana che nell’originale tedesco: Das Drama des begabten Kindes (Il dramma del bambino dotato e la ricerca del vero Sé). Veniamo però alla tesi del saggio.
Secondo la ricerca della Miller, va innanzitutto ribaltato il luogo comune per cui i figli considerati l’orgoglio dei their parents were, as adults, a sound understanding of their value and a better chance to come true. On the contrary, the author, they often reveal a great low self-esteem, suffer from feelings of guilt or depression and are frequently caught by the fear of betraying the ideal image of themselves that they were built, or better, mom and Dad had finished with the manufacture for those of their children so obedient and smart. Summary in short: the former is not necessarily good boys become men (or women) happy and fulfilled. Indeed. Before
illustrate his point, Miller asks the reader's attention some circumstances, under which first and foremost basic need of every child is considered to be (loved) for what it really is and what he or expressed emotionally testing at every stage of its development in children. Only if this is such a climate of acceptance / understanding, in fact, could be a "healthy development", which may favor the subsequent separation from the mother and independence. But if the fathers and mothers of these children were once raised in a "state of affective deprivation" and without understanding the participation of their parents if they were unsure of themselves, harmonious growth do not allow their children to perpetuate fatally their discomfort.
those circumstances, it follows that the so-called "good child "turns out to be none other than a small being who, for fear of losing the love of mom and dad, avoid expressions of feelings (particularly negative such as anger, envy or fear) that sees not tolerated by the parental couple and ends up rather docile and adapt to those patterns of behavior and conduct that the two members present and most authoritative of the family end up more or less consciously to force the baby. But this means is compressed, and suffocated the most authentic traits of personality, with all the corollary of insecurity, impoverishment and psychological alienation it brings. Not to mention the cases in question in this essay, in which the false self - as he calls Miller - is masked behind a fragile grandiosity and arrogance maniacal screen inauthentic that sooner or later tends to crack, making the subject even slip in a deadly whirlpools of depression.
The question we must ask, then I think it's just one: the psychotherapy can be helpful in such cases? The author, of course, is convinced, insisting on whether to revise the grief of the estrangement suffered by children with childhood or too good if you prefer. Along with the need to make them understand how the admiration, the applause and acceptance of major was not really aimed at small adults but just obedience or performance their brightest. "At this point," writes Miller optimistic "it happens that the true self, after decades of silence, may awaken to life with a renewed ability to feel" as also supporting for such people, just the ability to relive the feelings children removed? with all the helplessness associated with them? allows you to strengthen security, autonomy and self-esteem. This magnificent short
here the role of the therapist (psychoanalyst or less) which are required in the first place readiness to listen, capacity for empathy and absolute respect for the emotional experience - what it is? of the patient. But, Miller says, well, pay attention to illusions, because the deeper meaning of psychotherapy is not to "correct the fate of the patient or, worse still, statement comprehensive solutions / rationalizations the healing," but allow it in the meeting with his own destiny. " And this does not seem really small thing.
Quotation from text:
We can not change even a comma of our past, nor undo the damage that was inflicted in childhood. But we can change ourselves, "repair the damage," regain our lost integrity. We can do this when we decide to look more closely at the knowledge that relate to past events and are stored nel nostro corpo, per accostarle alla nostra coscienza. Si tratta indubbiamente di una strada impervia, ma è l'unica che ci dia la possi bilità di abbandonare infine la prigione invisibile - e tuttavia così crudele - dell'infanzia e di trasformarci, da vittime inconsapevoli del passato, in individui responsabili che conoscono la propria storia e hanno imparato a convivere con essa.
Indice del volume:
1. Il dramma del bambino dotato e come siamo diventati psicoterapeuti
2. Tutto fuorché la verità
3. Il povero bambino ricco
4. Il mondo perduto dei sentimenti
5. Alla ricerca del vero Sé
6. La situazione dello psicoterapeuta
7. Il cervello d'oro
8. Depressione two forms of denial and grandiosity
9. Destinies of infantile needs
10. The illusion of love
11. Depressive phases during therapy
12. The inner prison
13. A social aspect of depression
14. The legend of Narcissus
15. The vicious circle of contempt
16. The mortification of the child, the contempt for weakness and their consequences. Examples drawn from everyday life
17. The contempt in the light of therapy
18. Afterword
19. Thanks
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